Saying goodbye

There are so many things that I wanted to blog about from the past two weeks, I wanted to tell you about the special perspective I gained celebrating Thanksgiving in Africa; I wanted to give you an update on the child with hydrocephalus I wrote about in my last entry; I wanted to tell you how much fun I had last week in a village playing with the children, practicing my Swahili and working with other Imara staff and local volunteers as we did HIV testing; I wanted to remind you that December 1st was World AIDS Day and encourage you to find a way to get involved in the fight against AIDS . . . but today I am writing for another reason. Today I am mourning the loss of my dear Granddaddy, who passed from this earth last Wednesday. I am sad and grieving that I will never again see him here on earth or be embraced in one of his big bear hugs but I am rejoicing and so thankful that he is now at his Father's side and he is free from pain and suffering.

Before leaving home this year, somehow I knew that I was saying goodbye to him for the last time. There were so many reasons for me not to go when I did, this circumstance being one of them. However, the more I prayed and sought wisdom about it, the more assurance I had that it was God's plan for me to go to Tanzania at that time. It was a strange feeling to have that certainty yet be heart broken at the same time about what I was giving up by leaving. I was blessed to have a chance to spend time with my grandfather in the weeks before I left and I got to tell him how much I loved him and hear him tell me the same. That special time with him was truly a gift. I even got to speak to him on the phone on Thanksgiving Day, less than a week before he died. Even though his voice was just a whisper, I got to hear him say one more time "How's my little girl?" and I got to tell him I loved him.

So I have asked myself should I have stayed home for a couple months longer? Did I make a mistake coming to Africa when I did? No, and here's why.

Last week I spent several days in a village called Mwika, which I have come to love. There is a high incidence of HIV in this community and consequently, many children orphaned because of AIDS. Its always fun to go and just spend time with the children but this trip was also to do additional HIV testing and counseling with others in the community who do not know their status. The few days we spent there were long and busy, I was able to work with my hands and work directly with people (something I miss doing on a regular basis). One afternoon there was a lull in activity as most people there had already been tested and were waiting to be called into a room for counseling. Since my language skills are far from being proficient enough for counseling sessions I was outside playing with the children. As I was thinking back on the events of the day and having so much fun with the children playing games and learning new Swahili words from all my little teachers I remember thinking to myself "this is why I'm here, this is what brings me joy and brings honor and glory to God."

Friday afternoon, upon returning to the city and reading my email I learned the news of my grandfather's passing. Later that day as I was crying and thinking and processing things I realized that the day he passed was that same day that God gave me that confirmation that I'm supposed to be here right now, doing what I'm doing.

All this is not to say that I'm glad to be here in Tanzania instead of at home with my family because that is certainly not the case. I miss them tremendously right now, and I long to be with them. I want to hug my grandmother, my mom and the rest of my family. I want to be able to mourn and grieve with them. I am sad that I missed the funeral service on Saturday. But I know that God will sustain me during this time. He has called me here for a purpose and in doing that has also called me to make sacrifices. Because I know that the Lord is leading and guiding every step I know that he will also bring me through this time.

I would go into detail of what a great man my Granddaddy was; all the ways he served his family, church, and community; how he has inspired and encouraged so many people (probably without knowing it) but I wouldn't know where to stop. I will say this about him, he loved the people around him in his quiet and humble way and he was certainly well loved by all that knew him. He will be greatly missed by so many, especially me!